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If you have had a session with me, you may have noticed that during a reading I gaze towards the left.

The left is where I feel and see the spirit world – it’s where my cytoplasm lies in wait of my subconscious mind.

What you cannot see as I am gazing to the left and allowing myself to feel into spirit, is the wall space in my office that holds my treasures.  

This is the space of which letters, photos, postcards, momentos from those with whom I have worked with rest. These precious memories are with me every day.  

I often look through them when standing to stretch between readings and last week I was reminded of someone with whom I shared a pen pal relationship and have not heard from in a while.

Her letter, written in a stylish slant of perfect cursive, was buried beneath a few photos.  I have to admit, I did get a bit anxious at the reality of our time lost, thinking, “I do hope that she’s ok!” as she is older and alone.

It took me a while, with help of my assistant Sarah, to find her email address.

I sent her a message and patiently waited for a response.  

The next morning I woke with a cheerful hello! from my dear friend. Her message told me that she was well, still practicing yoga and participating in a road scholar program in a few months.

This brought joy to my heart that she was still active… and dare I say, alive.

As I read her words they hit me in the gut.  

She wrote the many more losses that she has had to endure and how this has brought her so many sorrows.  

She has personally lost her husband, adult son who was a physician and at the pinnacle of his career, five of her six siblings and several friends.  

She goes on to write that in her old age… it just gets harder and harder to move through life with such grief.

I feel into her grief as I read her words… what do I say? How do I tell her how sorry I am that she is going through this pain?   

I write the words, send her my love, tell her of my thoughts and how I am thinking of her. Her response…

“Loneliness is just a part of my life now.”

That breaks my heart as that phrase has been spoken to me time and time again.  

We continue our email exchange and it seems as though an epiphany of sorts happens as she writes…

“One thing that came to mind after I wrote you about the many losses I have experienced in my long life, both family and friends, was how blessed I was to have had so many of them in my life.”

My Heart. Melted.

Human nature automatically adapts to change whether we like it or not.  

We have no choice in the matter.  

When death happens we have no choice but to adapt to new surroundings.  Our life evaporates the instant the person that we love is no longer here in physical form.  

It’s instantaneous!  It’s done! There’s no going back!  There’s no changing anything!

Oftentimes many of us stay stuck right there… read those words again.. There’s no going back!  There’s no changing anything! But what we do is go back.

We want to change everything. We go back into the past.  Cling to it as though it itself is our lifeline, when in fact the lifeline that we love has moved forward.

There’s often an unfairness associated with our feelings of death. It can be a conscious feeling, yet for some, subconscious.

Unfairness causes us to fantasize about the past either negatively or positively.  Where is this getting you? Think about it. That’s a valid question.

While I know personally how death affects many of you.  I know the pain and sometimes torturous feelings of missing yet still profoundly loving.

I will tell you this… and I really want you to contemplate this statement.

Clinging to the past seriously diminishes your ability to survive in the now.

You are a spiritual being on a spiritual path and whether you want to feel into that or not, it is YOUR CHOICE.  

Yet, it is truth.

It’s up to you to make a choice each day.  You live in the present or you live in the past.

You decide to become a Road Scholar or you don’t.  You make the move. It’s your life.

If there’s one thing that I know to be true, it’s this.

Life moves on with or without us.  Spirit wants you to dream your dreams and live your life with zest and zeal, love for self and all other beings.  

This can be a heavy load to carry, but carry it we must.

Take the initiation into the new.  Do something so out of the ordinary this week that even you surprise yourself!

Share it with me if you would like.  I love hearing from you.

NIcole
XOXO

P.S. With over 80 emails and messages, I am overwhelmed with love and support!

The stories that you have shared… I have had to stop many times to dry my eyes.

The messages of love and support… I honestly didn’t think that so many of you even read my posts.

Gratitude has filled me to the core and love for each and every one of you radiates from my heart.

Spirit has called me to be more kind to myself and reading your words has encouraged me to do just that.

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