Thinking. Ruminating. Contemplating.

Honestly, ^ that’s what I do best. The thinker, the observer, the alchemist…

Why alchemist?

Alchemists believed that lead could be perfected into gold, that diseases could be cured… that life could be prolonged through transformation and transmutation.

It’s the Scorpio in me, the Alchemist, that whole-heartedly believes that by facing our shadow self, the self judgements, the wounds, the failures, is the surest path towards transformation.
By believing that all diseases can be cured, that lead can be perfected in gold, is a conscious thought that brings up many contradictions in the mind.

It’s thriving inside of these contradictions, ruminating the feelings that are evoked in these contradictions, when we begin to emerge into our highest self.

It’s the death of self, the ego, that must wither away to truly follow one’s path.

I bet your thinking, hey sister, why so deep on a Sunday morning?

Well, I’m no stranger to death.

It was the death of my belief system that brought me to my knees and into the space that I am in now.

Death of a life once lived. Death of leaving the town that I grew up in to find my own space in the world. Death of a perceived notion of innocence that was lost when death sent a blow to my heart at a young impressionable age. Death of the boy turned man that was my brother of the heart. Death is all around us as we experience for ourselves losing someone that we love, losing our own identity, losing our deep rooted belief system.

Yet, Death of SELF is something that we rarely speak aloud. It’s an internal struggle that is so uniquely personal.

Death of self could be experienced by a belief that has drastically changed, losing your child and now losing the identity of motherhood or fatherhood, walking away from a relationship that brings you sorrow or does not serve you, loving someone that does not love you back, realizing that your friends aren’t friends, wanting more for yourself in regards to financial freedom, living out your dreams, finding a new space to develop deeper spirituality, losing your identity of your youth.

Recognize the ego’s role. This is your shadow side.

Pay attention to your emotions when you read the words above. By ALLOWING the death of the ego to occur, we can slowly begin to let it go. It’s in this depth, this death of self, that we can truly embrace, discover and follow one’s unique path.

It is in this death of self, that you will find life, purpose and meaning.

It happens so often. Emotions, feelings, the subtle death of self, the death of ego, emerging before me as clients allow themselves to become vulnerable before my eyes.

Hearing from a father who has treated you poorly, a mother that longed to live but died too soon, a son who took his own life only to discover that you have been carrying guilt that was not yours to carry, a child just days old taken from you through no fault, it just happened that way.

These emotions, feelings, this depth of suffering, are parts of you. They feed on the shadow side of your soul, making you feel unworthy, unable to feel into your unique intuition, your soul self.

These feelings belong to you, they are yours to feel…but they are not yours to feed.

Feeding the shadow will only bring you more of the shadow. It’s by contemplating these shadows, this depth of emotion that you are attaching yourself to, in which lead will be perfected into gold.

I ask you to think about these many deaths of self, that you yourself can identify with.

Contemplate…. Ruminate… ultimately understanding that …

Death of self must happen in order for life to advance.

I love you!
Nicole

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