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My hand was shaking uncontrollably, back and forth, back and forth, with my thumb and pinky out and all other fingers folded in. I wasn’t paying much attention until I realized that there were other parts of my body that didn’t feel like my own. As I acknowledged this to myself, I began to feel an enormous amount of pressure to the back of my head. I closed my eyes only to experience the feeling of agonizing pain to my body, the knowingness of bodily convulsions racking through me and the thought that someone just left me alone.

It happened so quickly. I wasn’t prepared for it. I did not want to speak aloud the sight, feelings, knowingness, that had suddenly consumed me.
I asked permission. She said yes. She wanted the details. She needed them desperately. There was an investigation. This is why she sought me out.

I feel spirit everyday, but never this intense.

A few days prior I was looking through old notebooks. Notebooks that were my diary when working with my mentor. As I thumbed through the pages of notes and artistry, I laughed at a page that read in bold… TRANCE MEDIUMSHIP IS NOT FOR ME!

The thought of allowing spirit to control me. NEVER.

Trance mediumship, in my own words, is when the blending of spirit and the medium is so close that spirit takes over the medium’s mind and motor control. It’s when the medium is so entranced in the connection with spirit that they lose all thoughts of their own reality and “become”, in a sense, the spirit that they are connecting to. Nope, no thanks!

NEVER SAY NEVER

As this monumental day came to be, it was an ordinary day, four clients on the books and settling into my first of the day. We met by phone and I immediately had the sense of quite a few loved ones in spirit waiting to connect in with her. I mentioned each of them to her along with her son. He showed himself last. Tall and handsome, lanky body. Every medium that I know has their own way of connecting with spirit, our own rules, if you will. I allow spirit to dictate who speaks first, not the other way around. This is my number one rule and it’s directed at myself. Honor spirit first, they take the lead, not me. As the session went on I was beginning to feel discouraged. I tried to pull him forward a few times, (coming close to breaking my own rule). I wanted him to connect with me so badly. I was feeling like a failure. Suddenly, with a jolt to my hand, as if on autopilot, it began to move back and forth, back and forth, (which is not that unusual to have a body part move in tandem to my energy) but then I became aware of my heart beat speeding up rather quickly and… boom! The blending of spirit and myself happened without warning.

And I WELCOMED IT.

I was able to tell his mom his story, the last details that led up to his transition. Her child. The boy she loved with all of her heart. It was agonizing, but the words and thoughts given to me where not my own. He had to tell his Mom this story, his story, she was still fighting for him. She needed to understand that it wasn’t supposed to be this way. I didn’t feel a thing. I wasn’t present. He was. She welcomed it in order to have closure. I welcomed it because I wasn’t afraid. I was honored.

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