I just met a boy.
He was tall and handsome. He had a great sense of humor and considered himself a bit hard to handle at times.
He was one of those guys that you don’t easily forget. His personal description of himself is “hard on the outside but oh so soft internally”. Soft heart, just like his mom.
There’s a lot of blame that he lays at feet of his father. As he continues, he proclaims that his dad did the best that he could, he just didn’t know any better.
Lots of lessons learned, some learned the hard way.
He talks of how his mom carries the world on her shoulders, always taking care of everyone else.
Even when she pushed him away, he understood why. He was hard to handle at times and knows that her pushing him away… well, it was part of the bigger picture, part of the plan. He says, effortlessly, that forgives her.
Even though he admits that there’s nothing really to forgive her for. She loved him unconditionally. He knows this.
He also says that he wants his mom to move past the pain of the feelings towards his dad. Just let it be.
As he continues I cannot help but feel his sense of loneliness.
He gave up his power when in his loneliness. He hung out with the wrong crowd. He did things that he shouldn’t have done.
He’s pretty matter of fact when talking about taking the wrong path.
Then he says this…
“Nicole, can you tell my mom this? I love her and can see that she’s still putting everyone first.
This has to end. She has to say her words, speak her thoughts, feel her own feelings.. not everyone else’s.
There’s a few avenues ahead of her, not path’s, just avenues and she can turn around on those avenues if they don’t feel right to her.
I need her to get out of her own way and BE herself again, find her lane, go with it.
She has so much light to give the world and just because I diminished that light by leaving this Earth, she can still be bright!
Please ask her to be her brightest light!”
I said these words to this momma in a busting your chops kind of way. This put a smile to her face, while tears streamed down her face and YES! she wholeheartedly agreed.
As he then sings in my ear, “Don’t Stop Believing”, by Journey, in which his mom responds, “I have heard this song so much since he’s gone!”
But it didn’t end there… here’s the ah ha moment that I patiently wait for.
“So there’s this feeling that I have that my mom is still carrying around all of my weight.
All of the heaviness that is connected to me…
All of the guilt of not being able to help me through my pain…
I ask her now to release this back to me, because…. well… it was never hers to take from me in the first place.
It all belongs to me, not her, it always has.”
Ahhh… and so here’s where the shift happens.
When we realize that someone else’s pain is just that, their pain, it’s not ours.
We can feel it, we can shape it be a part of us and our story, but it is never, ever ours to keep.
Many may not like what I have to say, but oftentimes, we hold on to this pain of / from other’s so that we have a story to tell and have the ability to keep them close to our hearts.
Not only is this selfish to our own self-soul, but selfish to others as well, because it’s not your pain to keep.
Allow others, even if they are in spirit, to relinquish, understand and learn from their own pain.
This is their own process of self discovery, not yours.
It’s their story.
Let it go.
Create your own story around great memories, not pain.
Note to self: You can travel down the avenue but know when to turn around.
Pain of others isn’t your path, it’s theirs.