One minute my body is touched by its stinging rays, another, a cold wind whips through and sends chills straight through me.
It is quite an experience to have your face flushed its skin burning while your body is chilled and wrapped tight in warmth.
I am contemplating life as I sit out here in the desert, alone while everyone is out on a hike.
I needed the space, the space around me to be clear of souls earthbound and in spirit.
I needed the solitude of myself, as the sights around me beckon, calling me to marvel at the wonder of it all.
Snow capped mountain tops in the southwest, chimney rock behind me shaded with brilliant orange, yellows and reds.
I am sitting where Georgie O’Keefe painted her beautiful desert landscapes and realizing that this space indeed is sacred.
The wind is in my ears, blowing through my hair, speaking to me in foreign languages.
I catch a slight whispering word then a roaring sound in the air that sounds more like the ocean waves rather than the desert surrounding me.
I realize that nature is moving around me just as strongly as my heart is beating in my chest and my blood is pumping through this body that is me.
I immerse myself in the sounds wanting to lavish and hear the wind that I feel is speaking to me… no, I take that back, I do not want to hear a word.
I want to be alone.
No to the words. No to speaking to me in any language including wind language… this is a time for me… no one else is allowed to enter unless I say so… and I actually say this aloud.
My chief in charge, my spirit guide who has always been with me, laughs at me in his haughty knowing way of how ridiculous I sound.
Alone? Yes, darling, ok, if that’s what you want to believe!
Then as I type those words, what occurs to me is that I have never spoken of “he who shall not be named” prior to this musing.
The reason that I call him “He who shall not be named” is because he is sacred to me.
He is my guide, my constant companion in life. The guide that has always been with me throughout. I have kept him to myself. He is sacred.
I have come to realize in my time here, that I have had many spirit guides come and go throughout my life.
I have always had a sense of never being alone, it’s something that I simply felt in my soul.
When I was young I assumed it was Jesus that I was speaking to in that innocent childlike space of Catholicism.
While I know that there is that to consider and even feel in to and feel it’s truth, I also know deep in my bones that Spirit Guides are just as real as Jesus was.
They have all served purposes in my life through their guidance and they have certainly taught and encouraged me to consider my thoughts through deep contemplation.
I had an experience that I feel compelled to share with you. A profound moment in time for me.
Why now do I want to share this?
I will simply say that it is “he” who wishes me to do so.
Every night I soak in tub… sometimes for an hour or more.
One late night, the house quiet, I lie there soaking in the day, clearing my thoughts, sitting in contemplation when out of the corner of my eye I saw someone enter my bathroom.
Immediately I realized that this someone was not in human form. She was very small in stature, her face was worn with age, tan like leather, bright green knowing eyes, she walked in with determination and had a swinging gait about her.
She reminded me of Zelda Rubinstien in her portrayal of the Medium in the movie Poltergeist…. SO, Needless to say, I was startled, but stayed calm as I realized that she was indeed Spirit… I went inward to ask her why she was here.
Her words so matter of fact and bold…
“I don’t want you to be afraid, I have guided you for a while now, I am off to guide another, but know that I will never leave you. I am always here for you, even if you have never acknowledged me”.
While these words made me feel a sudden sadness, she hushed me by saying…
“None of that! You will see… “
Unwanted tears rolled down my face and I immediately came back to awareness and thought, “Holy crap, that had to be a crazy realistic dream, did I fall asleep in the tub!”
As soon as those words came out of my mouth in a whisper, my husband walked in and said, “You look as though you have seen a ghost.” I told him the story and he assured me that I was a medium and it was about time I realized that this work was my truth. In other words, stop doubting my damn self!
Not 3 minutes later here he comes again turning the corner of the bathroom so quickly that he almost slipped and fell.
My youngest daughter, who was 8 at the time, is her mother’s daughter… yep.
She has had night terrors and dreams since she was an infant.
As soon as I told him my story and he walked out of the room, she began to call out in her sleep… “Please stop taking my photo—graph!” “I am trying to sleep”
That’s all that she said but it had him freaking out… photograph? What 8 year old uses that old fashioned term.
I didn’t see the correlation but intrigued, I stepped out of the bath to check in on her.
As I approached her room I could here her mumbling in her sleep.
I gently laid down my head beside hers and spoke softly to her to get her attention.
“Sweets” I beckoned, “Who are you speaking to?”
“Ugh, she just won’t stop… she’s always barging in on me while I sleep, telling me how much she loves me, teaching me things, saying that’s she’s here for me… and then she…
(almost like she wanted to say, SHE HAD THE NERVE!)
took a photo…graph of me so that she can keep it with her and the light hurt my eyes.”
“Ok, so, can you describe her to me” I asked, already knowing the answer deep down inside of me.
“Tiny tiny, brown wrinkled skin, beads around her neck, she was your teacher… now she is mine and she belongs to us.”
With that her head hit the pillow and she was sound asleep.
I’m telling you, if I had not told my husband that story, I don’t think that I would have believed it myself.
Gently questioning my daughter the next morning brought nothing to the table. She had no memory of her encounter except that she thought that someone had woken her up when they took a picture of her in the middle of the night.
“Mom, did someone take a picture of me while I was asleep?” Well something like that, I replied.
No more questions, so I let it go.
Again, Why do I tell you this story?
Maybe its to assure you that guides are real. They do come and go just like the people that we love in this lifetime.
Guides are here for just that, to guide us, regardless if we listen or not, so make it easy for yourself and for them.
Take the time to listen.
I continuously encourage my daughters, who are 28, 20 & 10 to listen to her guides, to listen to the spirit world, to know the difference between their own voice and the voice of their guides and loved ones in spirit, to distinguish the sounds…
While sitting in the desert, is it the New Mexico desert wind that you hear?
While sitting on the beach is it the ocean waves that you hear?
Or is it the ocean waves that you hear while sitting in the New Mexico desert?
Know what you hear. Decipher it. It’s whatever you make of it.
It’s you and your journey, your thoughts, your spirit guides, your voices, your feelings, your emotions. It’s no one else’s.
I know that I heard the ocean waves in the New Mexico desert and that brought me to a special moment in my life that I had forgotten but gladly felt at that moment in time.
Ponder this: It’s a not a question of reality or non-reality, but of Your OWN Reality. You do not need anyone to tell you what you are hearing or who you are hearing it from.
I often sit in wonder, love and admiration for my beautiful friend Suzanne Giesemann and the courage that she has to channel her guides in public.
I also sit in wonder of how many people do not believe the they have their own guides that they can rely on.
You have many guides. Seek them. Allow them in. Practice sitting with them for 10 minutes a day in silence. Just listen.
I am grateful that my gypsy spirit guide is with me as she is also with my little one. She loves us, she nurtures us.
I accept and feel honored that my guides love me so deeply.
I hope too that you feel the same.