I’ve sat with a particular Momma a few times since our initial time together at the first Helping Parents Heal Conference in Phoenix. Debbie and her husband had a session with me in my hotel room. I will never forget our “first date”. They entered the room with a hesitancy that was palpable, a mixture of hope yet hopeless, in their overwhelming grief.

The connection with their daughter was pure. It was evidential and delightful. While I don’t always remember what is said in sessions, I never forget the feeling of the person in spirit that I connect with.

And I may not remember the name of those in spirit that I connect with, but years from now if I should have the honor to connect with them again, I know their essence as it comes through easily and gracefully, feeling as though I’m meeting an old friend again, as though no time has past, and our connection has never ended. It’s as if they have imprinted themselves in my subconscious.

Kelle is always a joy to be with, she’s bright, she’s light, she’s free. This is how she presents herself everytime we connect, from our first date to last week, as her parents were mourning her angelversary.

Performing acrobats in wildflowers, taking care of the babies in the spirit world, as she told me in one of our readings before I realized that she too had a son… she left that baby of her own here in this Earthly realm. So I was not surprised as she continued in her role of cheerleader and momma in the spirit world.

Kelle is my friend, as strange to some as that may sound. We connect with each other as though she’s just dropping by for a conversation, having not spoken to her mom in a while, yet knowing that I can, she speaks easily to me and through me. I do believe that she and I would have been great friends even in person.

In our latest session she came in strong, honestly never mentioning that this is the day prior to the day that she left this world. Instead from the start she spoke of wanting her mom to be happy. Asking me to help her to put a smile on her face. Seeing her own momma being a surrogate mom to her son.

But it was also more than that…

She told of how she knew that her mom was connecting more with her own sister, how she was finally letting people in, how this in itself made her feel so relieved knowing that her mom was beginning to live again.

She spoke of the two chairs which are now sitting side by side. Debbie responding that she’s been waiting for this acknowledgment because they have just moved and those chairs are indeed now sitting side by side.

As Kelle is shows me that she’s once again standing in a field of yellow flowers she begins to sing to me a country song that she and I both know and while as cheesy as it may seem, the words are powerful to Kelle.

And I can take you for a ride on my big green tractor,
We can go slow or make it go faster,
Down through the woods and out to the pasture,
Long as I’m with you it really don’t matter,
Climb up in my lap and drive if you want to,
Girl you know you got me to hold on to,
We can go to town but baby if you’d rather,
I’ll take you for a ride on my big green tractor.

As she’s singing these words to me, and in turn I to her mom, we both know that she’s describing her time with her dad. The special moments when he is now on that tractor without her, contemplating life, crying in his loneliness of missing her, recalling her innocence and her carefree attitude. She’s literally in my mind’s eye showing me her dad sitting on a tractor. The pond in sight, feeling these feelings.

Debbie then tells me that Kelle’s dad is in fact, right now, at this very moment, riding on that green tractor, cutting grass at the homestead that have finally decided to sell. Was he on that tractor, crying, thinking of his baby girl? … you decide.

Then there’s the eagle… flying high, neither of us can make sense of it, so I ask Debbie to simply be aware of the symbol of the eagle that she’s giving. It isn’t until a week later that Debbie writes that the opening song for her Church’s Sunday service after our session was… “On Eagles Wings.” This was also the song that the choir sang at Kelle’s funeral. Debbie hadn’t heard it since.

The barn cat was a memory that Kelle shared as Debbie told me the story of her hiding this cat when she was young, in the barn, in hopes that she could keep it.

Debbie began to come out of her shell, we laughed together as I described a dog in the spirit world with her, smiling to Debbie as I said “vicious when she needed to be”… Debbie thought that I was describing Kelle as she agreed with that description and we literally laughed out loud as Kelle was actually describing the dog who indeed, said Debbie, was vicious as well!

These moments are hard for me… having a good laugh, this is how Kelle brings her energy to me, yet feeling into Debbie’s energy is a feeling of sadness. As I’m feeling into these two different energies, I don’t want to be overly joyful as the reality is that Debbie wants her daughter in the here and now. Yet overly joyful and exuberant is how Kelle is always impressed upon me. It’s an interesting dynamic and I say so to Debbie.

Debbie’s responds…. “I needed to know that she feels joyful!”

Oh Momma, how I feel into your pain!

When all is said, know this… Kelle also mentioned, “Pirates!” Debbie agreed that Kelle’s little boy LOVES pirates… Kelle then says…

“Know that I’m with him in his dreams… I’m Tinkerbell to his Peter Pan.” 💕

Feeling sadness and hopeless is not a vulnerability, it is not a weakness…

It’s a strength of love that is felt in the heart, that time may be moving forward…

yet love never dies.

xoxo Nicole

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