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Oh, how a yellow Porsche convertible can bring me back…

…back to a time in my life when my world felt simple, safe and secure.

When I saw that Porsche the first thought that came to mind was a friend that I lost due to my profession.  I thought of her as I drove away from that yellow porsche, feeling the sadness but also the understanding in why she made her decision to leave me.

It can’t be easy when your friend changes and you don’t understand them.  I applaud her for leaving me. She wasn’t ready for the new chapter that was beginning as much as I was subconsciously ready for the old chapter to end.

I wasn’t being true to myself.

I was living in a world of misconceptions, a place where I was going inward while projecting my fear outward.  A space in time when I was confused and lonely and leaning too heavily on those around me. I was afraid and I projected that on to my friends and family.  I was lashing out at my religion and its dualistic thinking. I was torn.

Back to the yellow Porsche convertible.

I truly believe that we manifest things into our existence.  The yellow Porsche was my manifestation. Do I own a yellow Porsche?  Nope. Do I want a yellow Porsche? No, not really. Do I think that they are pretty to look at?  Sure, but only because my daughter’s favorite color is yellow. You following me here?

I don’t want the yellow Porsche, dang it!  I wanted my friend to want to be my friend again.

As I am leaving the yellow Porsche convertible and having these thoughts for the next 10 minute drive to my office, I am having a mindful conversation with myself about her and our relationship.

We had so much fun, she and I.  Our daughter’s were the same age, we were so similar but so different.  When we hung out people assumed that we were sisters, that’s how much we resembled one another. I missed her so much.  Or did I? Yes, I do! No, not really, I thought… Back and forth I go. Miss her? Don’t miss her! Waa, waa!

Feeling pretty emotional as I stop at the last stop sign before my office ahead, I finally come back to the reality that I am on autopilot, literally, and have made it here while in a hypnotised state of thought noticing nothing else around me except what I am consciously thinking about.

Where were the trees that I pass everyday?  Or the precious breakfast restaurant that has people standing in line outside in the heat?  How did I get here?

As I am sitting here breathing in and out and taking my breaths quite seriously, here it comes, ever so slowly, pulling up to the four way stop.

Needless to say, I am in total shock and it obviously, embarrassingly, shows..

Yep, you guessed it!  A yellow Porsche convertible.

A handsome guy in a suit looks my way gesturing for me to go and I wave him on.  He waves back and I think to myself, did I just make this up? Is this real? I mean after all it’s hot as Hades here in the South, he’s in a suit, in a convertible and he just nonchalantly waves to me as I motion him on.

Really? How many yellow convertible Porsche’s are in this small town of mine? Is he and his damn yellow Porsche just a figment of my imagination?  Did I manifest this? As silly as this may sound, a voice inside of me says, “Of course you did darling.”

Needless to say as I enter into my office, close the door and sit in my meditation chair, I feel this overwhelming presence inside of me, speaking to me in a voice that I know all too well. The voice of my God saying to me, “All is well. This is your path. No longer doubt.”

Do I trust this voice?  Is it just me, myself and I inside there saying this? This may be a logical question to the majority of people but  I have had too much personal experience to know when the voices in my head are not mine, considering.. it’s my profession 🙂 I know this voice to be true.

And I choose to trust.  Just as much as I know that people come in and out of our lives for a reason and a season, I trust in that too.

So, did I manifest the yellow Porsche convertible?

Considering that I do nothing alone and always with the assistance of God/the Universe, then a resounding YES is in order.  Whether you have this belief or how you define the word manifest is up to you.

I have no doubt that this car was placed into my path for a reason.  A reason enough to ponder more on the thoughts that I was having about the past.  The regrets, the grief of a relationship lost, and should-haves that come along when we look back and think on the could-have-beens.

These thoughts do one thing:  they bring me back to self doubt.  And this sista wants no more to do with self doubt!  As Sweet Brown says, “Ain’t nobody got time for that!”

I know this to be true:  Yellow Porsche convertible = my sign.

It’s the sign that I needed to feel the presence and power of Universal Christ Consciousness.

It’s the sign that I needed surrender to life on life’s terms, not my own. To trust in the process of life and all of the goodness, trials and triumphs that comes along with it.

It’s the sign that I need to stop my limited beliefs in myself!  I need to give up on these stories that I tell myself about myself.  These stories are harmful, not helpful. Can you feel me?

It’s the sign that I needed to know that I am never alone on this journey and neither are YOU!

The signs are everywhere.

Take the time to see them.  Take the time to contemplate them.

Like me, you will find that this is when the magic happens in your life.

XOXO
Nicole

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