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I wrote down many years ago 3 questions, that I have saved to a file on my laptop. I often go back to these questions as a check in with myself and where I am on my path. I thought that I would share one of those questions with you today in hope that it will inspire you to seek more of both your inner self & your inner truth. The first question is: Am I worthy? So…. In the past, no matter how well things were going in my life, how joyful and fulfilled I may have been feeling, when I realized that things were going amazingly well… I began to sabotage myself and my life. Feelings of fear would set in when I least expected it. I would begin to tell myself stories of how I didn’t deserve all of the goodness in my life. This would ultimately bring up feelings of abandonment from my adoption at birth or when my parents divorced when I was 15 and I would quickly fall down the rabbit hole of questioning my self-worth by internally saying crappy things like, “Who do you think you are to have all of these amazing people, things, experiences in your life!” I know! I did that! And… I have a strong feeling that many of you have done or are doing the same to yourself as well. What I’ve come to realize is this: We accept the things that we think we deserve. We don’t question it, we just accept it. It wasn’t until one day I realized that the internal struggle was simply my own perception. My perception of who I was to others, which I have to tell you, was the furthest from the truth. My perception of my life and my struggles… was a hell of a lot worse than they actually were. I was taking on too much crap that didn’t belong to me, it belonged to other people, like my birth mother and my parents. I took their crap and my crap and turned it into a lot of crappy crap just so that I had some excuse to make when things were going too good to be true which ultimately was a way of sabotaging myself. I know, this crap sounds crazy! (It’s feeling kind of powerful by saying the word crap!) But it’s so darn true that it’s actually now taken on a whole new meaning when it comes to my own personal growth. It took a lot of inner contemplation, getting to know myself and my beliefs in Universal energy, God source, Great Spirit connection, for me to realize that my perception of myself was sabotaging me… know one else. And you know what… it was all made up in my head. So, Am I Worthy of great things? Heck yeah I am… AND SO ARE YOU! Happy Summer Solstice! XO Nicole
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