Never Say Never

My hand was shaking uncontrollably, back and forth, back and forth, with my thumb and pinky out and all other fingers folded in.  I wasn’t paying much attention until I realized that different parts of my body didn’t feel like my own. As I acknowledged this to myself, I began to feel enormous pressure in the back of my head.  I closed my eyes only to experience the feeling of agonizing pain in my body, the knowingness of bodily convulsions racking through me, and the thought that someone just left me alone.  

It happened so quickly.  I wasn’t prepared for it.  I did not want to speak aloud about the sight, feelings, and knowingness that had suddenly consumed me.

I asked permission.  His Mother said yes.  She wanted the details.  She needed them desperately.  There was an investigation.  This is why she sought me out. 

I feel Spirit every day, but never this intense.  

A few days prior, I had been looking through old notebooks.  These were the notebooks that were my diary when working with my mentor.   As I thumbed through the pages of notes and artistry, I laughed at a page that read in bold… TRANCE MEDIUMSHIP IS NOT FOR ME! 

The thought of allowing spirit to control me.  NEVER.

In my own words, trance mediumship is when the blending of spirit and the medium is so close that Spirit takes over the medium’s mind and motor control.  It’s when the medium is so entranced in connection with Spirit that they lose all thoughts of their own reality and “become,” in a sense, the Spirit that they are connecting to.  Nope, no thanks! 

NEVER SAY NEVER

As this monumental day came to be, it was an ordinary day, with four clients on the books and settling into my first day. We met by phone, and I immediately sensed quite a few loved ones in spirit waiting to connect with her.  I mentioned each of them to her, along with her son.  He showed himself last.  Tall and handsome, lanky body.  Every medium that I know has their own way of connecting with spirit, our own rules, if you will.  I allow spirit to dictate who speaks first, not vice versa.  This is my number one rule, and it’s directed at myself.  Honor Spirit first. They take the lead, not me.  As the session went on, I began to feel discouraged.  I tried pulling him forward a few times (coming close to breaking my rule).  I wanted him to connect with me so badly.  I was feeling like a failure.  Suddenly, with a jolt to my hand, as if on autopilot, it began to move back and forth, back and forth (which is not that unusual to have a body part move in tandem with my energy), but then I became aware of my heart beat speeding up rather quickly and… boom!  The blending of spirit and myself happened without warning. 

And I WELCOMED IT. 

I could tell his mom his story, the last details that led up to his transition.  Her child.  The boy she loved with all of her heart.  It was agonizing, but the words and thoughts given to me were not my own.  He had to tell his Mom this story, his story; she was still fighting for him.  She needed to understand that it wasn’t supposed to be this way.  I didn’t feel a thing.  I wasn’t present.  He was.  She welcomed it to have closure. I accepted it because I wasn’t afraid.  I was honored. 

With Love,

Nicole

PS. I’ve re-read this post so many times in my career as a Medium, and it still brings me immense love and joy.

I hope that you feel the power, energy, and love that the Spirit world has for us!