The Show Must Go On She Said.
There’s death all around her. Two children lost to her, and no one to blame. She tries to live each day as though there’s no loss in her life. She avoids the pain while avoiding herself, her feelings, her thoughts, and her own desires.
While she lost them long ago, she cries as if it were only last year. One breath on her neck as she embraces her child, one kiss on her cheek in that wet way. The damp kiss I purposely rub into my face when receiving one from my girls, knowing I’ll never know when that will be the last.
Death has done this to me, taught me how fragile life is while watching mommas cry and lament the unfairness of it all.
How do I help her? How do I console her? How do I beg her to believe that she still has a purpose in this lifetime? Giving her messages of hope from her children that they still live on is all that I can do, knowing that it’s still not enough!
I do not dare to imagine how her broken heart feels. I don’t want to feel into it, but I cannot help myself as I cry with her while telling stories of the good times that her children are relaying to me in that extrasensory Mediumistic way.
She laughs while she cries. Remembering the good times as she says, “You know what, I know that I will see them again, love on them again… I just miss them so much!”
We embrace.
She teaches me that through the pain, there can be moments of laughter; through the grief, there can be moments of joy.
“You know, Nicole, I just wanted you to bring them back to me for a few minutes; that’s all I wanted. Thank you for that.”
As tears roll down my face, I know that my life is complete in my work, yet I still want to give her more.
Our conversation continues to the holidays now upon us and how she will persevere quietly.
Joy-filled, she says, “The show must go on, and I’m the main character; I will see my boys again; I trust this.”
And so it is, out of the mouth of a momma whose light continues to shine even on cloudy days.
These words aren’t to end the conversation or pretend all was well. Because all is not well.
She spoke these precious words in truth, the kind of truth that’s hard to hear yet even more complicated to say.
It is she who, on this day, gave me more, more belief that in the end, LOVE is the force that connects us to one another… for I love her at this moment, and she loves me in return.
And this, these few moments, I am grateful to have given and feel abundant in what I received in return.
Much love,
Nicole
