Heart Hurt
My hometown of New Orleans is in the midst of our biggest celebration, Mardi Gras. Tomorrow, “Fat Tuesday,” happens to be Mardi Gras day itself. Growing up Catholic meant that you had better have as much fun and eat as much king cake as possible on Mardi Gras day because, come Ash Wednesday, the good things in life were on hold because of Lent.
New Orleans is a city known for its food, particularly seafood, and during Lent, it’s a sin to eat meat on Fridays. Well, the joke is obviously on the rest of the world! I mean, I certainly don’t want to eat a fried shrimp po boy instead of a turkey sandwich on a Friday, said no one ever!
So, this had me thinking:
How often do we follow the rules just to say we are following them?
How many times do we allow religious thoughts, ideas, and dogma to rule our lives so that we ‘feel’ as though we belong to something?
I ask this question so that you can think about why you do what you do and believe what you believe.
One of the most complex parts of being myself, as a Psychic Medium, was the thought of me ‘going against’ my faith to be who I am.
I struggled with this internally for years.
I was always a rebel on the defensive, so of course, I was totally up to the bible debate.
I took on whoever wanted to take me on and fought tooth and nail over how the bible was antiquated, allowed men to treat women disrespectfully, and enslaving humans was no big deal, so why would I look at my profession as evil?
I mean, didn’t Jesus talk to the dead?
One day, while having this conversation, I suddenly decided to give it up.
Why did I feel that I needed to prove to anyone that my profession was not the work of the devil?
Why did I have to demonstrate to anyone that my vocation was to bring light into a world of darkness?
That this amazing ability that I had was MY CALLING in life!
In that moment of giving up, I experienced the kind of cry that releases all of your emotions at once… anger, sadness, crazy, snot dripping out of my nose kind of cry.
I realized that the reason that I was fighting so hard was that I was so “heart hurt” that my “God” was judging me!
I immediately understood that this held tight, close to my heart feeling, and ultimately made me a hardened ass when it came to my faith and belief in anything related to organized religion.
I struggled…
And so began my better understanding of myself. You see, I am a very contemplative human. My mind doesn’t stop… ever. I rarely sleep, always in my head, thinking the deep thoughts.
If my God was the God of the Bible, always judging, deciding by my actions on this Earth whether I would suffer damnation or live in eternal bliss, then honestly, this is not my God. My God is not complex, and my God is simple. My God is Love.. unconditional love of all energetic beings.
Bottom line: I was blaming everyone and anything for not supporting me on this oftentimes difficult journey called life, growth, enlightenment… Until this realization hit me: Everyone who challenged me is here for a reason. They are not supposed to be on my side, for if they were, I would have never truly felt the presence and love of My God in My Life.
Feeling grateful for the ones who do not support me in life.
With Love
Nicole
